I ONLY HAVE ONE JOB.

                I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEEL USELESS, WORTHLESS, AND TRASH, right?  Admit it - everyone have experienced this feeling. Where you feel that you are not worth anything at all, that you feel useless in all ways, that everything you do just seems not to fit in this world, that you're a trash. Well, if you haven't...you are lucky. And if you have, welcome to our life. 

That's it! We happened to encounter this feeling because that's simply how life works.

*SHORT STORY*

My family is neither rich nor poor instead we are blessed. We eat three times a day (sometimes four, five, six, and the list go on). We have an internet connection, constant electricity and good source of water may it be for drinking or for bath. We are indeed the - commoners. And lately, I've been spending a lot of money that is used for my own good. This is where I feel frustrated about myself, it feels like sh*t.

I want to go to Harry Style's Concert here in our country. (Tickets range from 2-7 thousand pesos)

I need a long gown/dress for the debut. (required attire that would cost 1000+ pesos)

I want to have my underarm treated so that it'll be fine. (My underarm is not too dark but it is not cute, so to make the appearance somehow likeable it'll cost 2000 pesos)

*So here is the point*

I want to buy my elementary best friend a nice gift for her debut. ( Apparently the perfect gift she'll loved to receive ranges from 800 pesos to 1000+ pesos.)

(On the debut day, I also need a make up artist or go to salon that'll cost about 300+)

AND lastly, 

I think my dog needs to undergo surgery. I am not a Veterinarian but seeing her situation everyday, the way she cries at night and sometime at random times of the day - I know it is all because of the pain that she is experiencing, that I cannot feel becaue obviously, I'm not a dog and I don't speak dog. *bark bark* (we all know that a surgery for a human is expensive, how much more for a dog?)

Summing this up will cost A LOT. Though I know my sister, my brother and with the little help of my mother - this financial problem is not a problem at all. The real problem is ME.

Most of the things listed above are things that I need. Things that I want and things that would satisfy my dear self. But none of those expenses are meant for other people, except for the case of my dog. And if I need to sacrifice my concert ticket for the wellness of my dog, I'll do it. I'll be crying for a month or three but if I lost my dog, I'll probably cry for the rest of my life. (just kidding, i'll be crying for a year or two if I'll miss Harry Style's concert, but I am willing to take the risk).

I do believe that my siblings are willing to pay for my dog's *surgery? or just a check up from her veterinary. And there is nothing wrong about that. I am happy about it. What makes me sad is that if I can only earn money like them, then I'll be able to afford things that I want even without sacrificing for the things that I need. I'll be able to buy my friend a nice gift, buy the dress that I want, use every single penny to make my skin and my underarm perfect, I will be able to go to any concert that I want, not looking at the prices and directly buying the VIP tix that I've always dreamed of. THIS IS WHERE I FEEL LIKE A TRASH, I'M USELESS, I'M WORTHLESS.

If only I can earn money, if only I have a job, if only I can do things that they can do. I can't believe I'm putting myself down because of my inability to produce my own money, because I cannot do anything for my family. But this is life, welcome to my life.

*MY ONLY JOB* 

I may not have a job right now that could buy everything. but I do believe I have the job that is easy yet very important. The only job that I should do in order for me to give everything back to my family is to STUDY HARD.

 "That is the least that I can do. All of them are working to give me a better future and I should also work hard and focus on my study to show them that all of their hard work in their own jobs are worth it. That their sweat and tears are in good hands."

*message to all of the people who feel useless...*

              To all the people who feel like they have no purpose in life, that everything is nonsense, well snap the hell out of yourself. Please come to your senses! Don't overthink and do not focus on the things that do not matter. If you think too much of the things that may happen in the future, then you'll be blind to see the things that matter in the present. "Always focus on YOUR JOB TODAY and that will lead you to a BETTER JOB SOMEDAY." You may feel useless as of the moment but don't let it bring you down, make it as your stepping to stone to reach further your goals and towards a fruitful tomorrow.

-SnFF